


Hand In Hand

by StarSpangledBucky



Series: 30 Day Winteriron Challenge [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 30 Day Winteriron Challenge, Based On Some Pieces From Age Of Ultron, First Kiss, Flashbacks, Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Panic Attacks, Party, Sam And Steve Had A Bet, hand holding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-07
Updated: 2016-02-07
Packaged: 2018-05-18 18:54:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5939527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarSpangledBucky/pseuds/StarSpangledBucky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Day One: Holding Hands</p><p>Tony craves to hold Bucky's hand again three months after an incident at a Hydra base. (Set at the beginning of AOU when they go to find Loki's sceptre and Tony has his vision)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hand In Hand

**Author's Note:**

> Courtesy of an anon who said I should take the 30 day Winteriron challenge. So here I am doing it. I had a look at the list, and changed a couple that I'd be more familiar with writing, so they'll be marked with an X or *, something like that. I hope you enjoy, here's day one.
> 
> Some of these may be short or long, depending on what I can come up with.

It was only _one_ touch, a touch that shouldn't have meant something, yet it did. Tony knew he shouldn't have felt a flutter in his chest because of it, the cold metal fingers entwining with his warm ones, stirring the fire in the very pit of his stomach. He wasn't sure why Bucky had approached him on the ride home in the jet, they weren't exactly close. Of course, the pair socialised from time to time, but it was nothing compared to the closeness Bucky obviously had with Steve, and surprisingly with Thor.   
  
Bucky and Thor got along like they'd been best friends for years, while Steve and Bucky were like two brothers who'd been separated for a long time yet they eased back into their normal routine as if it were normal. Everybody else had their own little moments with Bucky, but Tony and Bucky was more like the awkward pining students trying to ask each other to prom. Ever since their first mission together, when Tony had covered Bucky from getting crumbled under a building, things had changed. There'd been stolen glances from across the room, visits to the lab from Bucky, coffee runs by Bucky, sometimes Tony would always be the one to offer Bucky the best scotch off the shelf.    
  
With each passing month, Tony couldn't put his finger on why he had a sudden  _ yearning _ feeling in his chest. Where his arc reactor once was, it still hurt when he pressed his hand against the scar, then again, it hurt the most when he looked at Bucky. They bonded, more than they had when Bucky first moved into the Avengers Tower, more than they thought they would. It became noticeable, the rest of the team noted the staring contests Tony and Bucky shared, the simple changes that brought two of their teammates closer together. Yet everything seemed to fade after the incident at the Hydra base...   
  
_ They were journeying back to Avengers Tower after locating not sceptre and bringing it on board. Bucky had been occupied with keeping enemies at bay outside the base, but he knew Tony found the right place, considering his silent his comm was. But something didn't sit right while they were on the jet, at least from what Bucky could see. Thor and Steve were talking about the sceptre, bringing up theories of what it might mean.  _ __  
__  
_ There was an empty space where Tony was standing mere minutes ago, that concerned Bucky also. Natasha, Bruce and Clint were at the other side of the jet, since Clint had sustained an injury, they were keeping close watch on him. Yet, Tony was nowhere in sight from where Bucky was standing, which led him to believe Tony was making himself scarce. Bucky tilted his head up from where he was seated on one of the chairs, bringing up a hologram on the tablet he was holding. He turned his head to the right, making eye contact with Steve who raised a curious eyebrow at him.  _ __  
__  
_ "Somethin' wrong Buck?" he asked. _ __  
__  
_ "Where did Tony go?" Bucky replied, placing the tablet to the side. _ __  
__  
_ "Flying the jet?" Steve answered. _ __  
__  
_ Bucky shook his head curtly. _ __  
__  
_ "Autopilot," he stated. _ __  
__  
_ "My friend, I think I saw Stark to the right of the jet," Thor interjected. _ __  
__  
_ The brunette smiled softly. _ __  
__  
_ "Thanks Thor," he said, pushing himself up from his seat.  _ __  
__  
_ "Tell him to get back here as soon as we can, we need some advice from him," Steve uttered. _ __  
__  
_ "Sure thing Stevie," Bucky murmured.  _ __  
__  
_ His boots thudded against the metal interior of the jet as he directed himself in the direction that Thor pointed out. The closer Bucky got, the more the worry started to bother him, Tony had been deathly quiet since they'd left the base.  _ __  
__  
_ "Tony?" he called out, opening a door in the narrow gap separating him from the main area of the jet. "Ton-" he paused, freezing in the doorway immediately. _ __  
__  
_ Tony was leaning back against the far wall, his hand covering his face while his free arm was wrapped around his legs that well pulled tight to his chest. He exhaled sharp breaths, as well as inhaled them sharply, yet it sounded like he could barely breathe. Bucky took a step forward, closing the door behind him, his eyes cautiously watching Tony. The brunette swallowed thickly and lifted his head to reveal red rimmed eyes, filled with fear and panic, his fingers trembling every few seconds.  _ __  
__  
_ "Tony..." Bucky spoke. _ __  
__  
_ The older man gasped and snapped his head towards Bucky, hands still shaking, along with his shoulders as he stared back at Bucky. He had his hands up, but held out to show that he wasn't a threat to Tony. Bucky never saw Tony look so panicked before, he knew it must have been an anxiety attack, which he hadn't seen Tony have either.  _ __  
__  
_ "Bet you didn't think you'd ever see me like this," Tony joked, his voice wavering as he averted his gaze. _ __  
__  
_ Why do you bring yourself down so much? Bucky thought, approaching Tony slowly, his hands still held out. Something didn't feel right at all, because Bucky had never seen Tony so vulnerable. _ __  
__  
_ "What happened to you?" he whispered, dropping down to the floor beside Tony. _ __  
__  
_ "I saw...something, something terrible, and I can't stop thinking about it. What I saw, it won't go away and I can't be around anybody. I can't," the brunette choked out. _ __  
_  
_ __ “Listen, breathe pal, take it easy,” Bucky replied. 

_ “I can't. I can't, I can't, I can't,” Tony chanted, pressing the palms of his hands against his face and shaking his head.  _

_ “Hey, hey, c’mon. Here...take my hand,” Bucky offered, letting his metal hand fall slowly to Tony's knee. “Always used to help me when I had an anxiety attack,” he added, uncurling his fingers.  _

_ For the strangest reason, the faint whirring of the arm and fingers doing their job with movement settled Tony's breathing to a steadier rhythm, as well as bringing his heart rate down to a normal pace. Tony glanced at Bucky's open hand from the gap between his own hands, then to Bucky, the softness in his eyes ceasing to disappear as he stared back at him.  _

_ “Promise I won't hurt you,” the brunette said. _

_ “I wasn't thinking that,” Tony mumbled. _

_ Bucky raised a eyebrow. _

_ “You weren't?” he asked _

_ “Come on Barnes, I know your results are showing up good with your recovery. None of us want you to feel that you're fragile like glass and that we should tiptoe around you. You're perfectly capable of doing things on your own,” Tony explained. _

_ “Then you'll take my hand if you trust what I said…” he uttered. _

_ Tony did trust Bucky's words, if anything, he was starting to trust Bucky to some degree. He'd had issues with trust in the past, but with how the team functioned and how everybody seemed to get along just fine, trust was something they needed. Trust was crucial.  _

_ “Tony,” Bucky muttered, placing his hand over the brunette's. _

_ It shouldn't have felt like a thousand jolts of electricity were surging through him, but it did. Tony wouldn't have cared if it was Bucky's flesh hand, he would have taken it as well. But the fact that he let Bucky use his metal hand to show him he didn't need to look at it as something horrible, was a milestone on its own. Tony always was fascinated by the technology behind the arm anyway, the science, the schematics. He wanted to sit for hours and toy about to see what made it work, but he had a fair idea already.  _

_ “Tell me what happened,” Bucky continued. _

_ This time his fingers curled around Tony's, squeezing comfortingly, his thumb resting over Tony's knuckles. It dulled the anxiety pumping through Tony's body, heart rate normal, breathing less laboured, his free hand dropping down from his face. Tony would have found it humorous to think that one simple hold of Bucky's hand could have stopped the anxiety. But the truth was...he didn't find it humorous, he had no need to, because it saved him endless hours of trying to hold himself together and not freak out to the point where he couldn't think straight. He always thought Bucky had this ‘magic touch’ that would calm anybody down.  _

_ “Everyone was dead. Whoever it was...in that secret room with me, they were toying with my mind. It was like they were trying to dig into my brain about my greatest fear. It's the truth, my biggest fear is seeing my friends die...because of me. I went over to Steve and I checked his pulse but then he grabbed my wrist and choked on his words saying I could have saved them. ‘You could have said us’ he said. Then there was-” he paused, swallowing thickly. “...the wormhole I flew into with the missile and then fell out of when Loki showed. The Leviathan was alive, shrieking, loudly. Then it was over…” he wavered, wiping sweat from his brow. “I wasn't going to tell anyone. I thought I'd do what I always do and keep it to myself. You must think I'm being ridiculous,” he chuckled, weakly, sucking in a sharp intake of air.  _

_ There's silence for a lengthy amount of time. _

_ “No…” Bucky stopped, holding Tony's hand a little tighter. “...I saw something too. My biggest fear was Steve dying, and y’know, it was me that killed him. In my vision, he died, and it was my fault. I killed him. It's always been my fear. I was scared. And...I almost did it, until he somehow broke through my programming. But I almost did, and Tony, I was scared. I almost killed my best friend,” he finished, biting hard on the inside of his cheek. _

_ Tony looked at Bucky with sympathy, noting the glassiness in Bucky's eyes.  _

_ “I would have felt the same if I'd had something like that...but with Rhodey,” he issued. _

_ The younger man nodded understandably. _

_ “I'm sorry, this isn't all about me. Are you okay?” Tony questioned. _

_ It sent warmth through Bucky's chest to be asked how he was feeling. _

_ “You weren't passing it off as that at all. And, I'll be okay. Just keep holdin’ my hand yeah?” he teased. _

_ Tony let out a watery laugh, nudging Bucky with his shoulder as he leant back against the wall, a tiny smile curving at the corner of his mouth. Bucky tapped his flesh fingers on his knee, before turning his attention to Tony again. _

_ “Steve said he needed you, had some things he wanted to discuss,” he mused. _

_ “Oh. Well, I better go then, he’ll get stubborn if I don't hurry up,” Tony huffed out, exhaling a deep breath. “You coming?” he queried. _

_ “I will, gimme’ a couple of minutes,” the brunette answered. _

_ “Take all the time you need,” Tony chimed. _

_ With that said and done, Tony's hand slid from Bucky's grasp as he stood, wiping some dust from his jeans. When he wandered to the door, Bucky averted his gaze, arms falling to his knees as he glared down at his boots. God he honestly felt like crying and he didn't know why. _

_ “Hey Bucky,” Tony sighed _

_ “Yeah?” he quipped, trying to keep his voice level, head rising at the sound of Tony's voice. _

_ “Thank you,” the older man hummed. _

_ “No problem, pal,” the younger man chimed. _

_ Once Tony was gone, Bucky dropped his head in his hands, breathing out shakily as his own bouts of anxiety crawled over his skin. He wondered if he'd just overstepped the line, guilt tripping himself into thinking he'd screwed up any chance with Tony. Truth be told...Bucky saw Tony as more than a friend… _

Tony blinked, twice, bringing himself back into reality, back to the present and not to the past. The sun blinded him for a moment as he squinted at the rays spread out across the horizon, some of the light bouncing off skyscrapers. He was sitting on the ledge of the jet landing pad, scotch in his hand with two ice cubes floating at the bottom, his suit jacket folded neatly beside him. Warmth kissed his skin along with the soft brush of wind from being so high up on Avengers Tower, the view picturesque from any part of the building. Anybody would kill for a view like The Avengers did at the place they called home.

Inside, guests partied and mingled, the rest of the team joining in on the celebrations as well. Tony, the one who was a lover of parties, didn't feel up to it which was why he found himself sitting outside by himself...thinking. Not just about anything, but more so about Bucky, about their trip to the Hydra base, and everything that went on, to then journey home and be on the verge of a panic attack. Tony couldn't stop thinking about when Bucky offered him his hand, promising him he wouldn't hurt him and Tony had  _ trusted _ him. But Tony wanted more, he knew that he needed more from Bucky. He missed the touch, the way it calmed him down and he missed the kind reassurance in Bucky's voice. 

_ “Didn't think I'd find you out here during your own party,”  _

The brunette tensed suddenly, before relaxing when he turned to see Bucky standing not too far from where he was sitting. His eyes travelled down the navy blue suit that hugged Bucky's figure comfortably, a few buttons popped open on the black shirt underneath. Bucky had his hair tied back, a few strands already coming loose which fell against his cheeks. Tony smiled warmly and turned until he was sitting sideways. 

“Who bought you that suit?” he asked, with a teasing grin.

Bucky laughed heartily with shaking shoulders as the movement jostled his drink, a cube of ice clinking against the side. He walked towards Tony, crouching down slowly to then carefully swing his legs over the edge, keeping himself close to Tony. 

“You did,” he answered, tilting his head up to stare back at Tony. 

The older man’s heart skipped a beat at how much brighter Bucky's eyes were, so much so they were verging on being fully grey. Then again, Tony was the one the pick Bucky's suit, he bought it for him too, as a sort of ‘welcome to the team’ kind of gift. Truthfully, he only bought it because he knew the colour would bring out Bucky's eyes more, because Tony couldn't get over how beautiful they looked to him. 

“You okay in there Tony?” Bucky chuckled, waving his hand in front of Tony's face. 

They hadn't been like this for the three months that passed since they were at the Hydra base. Tony stopped getting visits from Bucky, he kept avoiding Bucky for reasons he couldn't explain or couldn't figure out himself. The only time they ever talked was the small mission two months ago, but it was brief and only to give orders. Tony always found himself stuttering on his words, he found himself becoming distracted over time. 

“I'm fine,” he replied.

He stole a quick glance at his hand that rested on his thigh, covered in a few scars from cuts and a few bruises on his fingers from jamming them in drawers. They'd all been sustained from his concentration always being set on Bucky, even J.A.R.V.I.S started informing Tony that his injuries were becoming more frequent than usual. 

“No you're not,” Bucky murmured, bumping his knee off Tony's. “You're never this quiet and I don't think I've ever seen Tony Stark sit outside during a party that  _ he _ organised. What's goin’ on pal?” he questioned. 

_ You have to tell him, you have to tell him, you have to tell him _ Tony chanted to himself, scrunching his hand into a fist to stop it from shaking. He could feel the beginning of another one of his panic attacks, breathing in deeply through his nose, before exhaling slowly. If he didn't tell Bucky about what was happening, he knew he'd dive straight back to rock bottom, which was a place he never wanted to be in again. He trusted Bucky.  _ So why was it so hard to talk to him?  _

“I always got told it'd be hard to talk to people when you felt different about them,” he said, averting his gaze back to the sky where the city lights now shone, the sun since vanished. 

“What are you talkin’ about Tony?” the brunette uttered, following Tony's gaze.

“Do you remember the trip home from the Hydra base?” he whispered, swallowing thickly. “How-” he paused, looking back to Bucky. “...you found me in the other side of the jet, cowering against the wall because I was thinking about my vision. I was trying to work through a panic attack and you told me to take your hand. You told me to trust you,” he added.

“Tony I-” Bucky stopped. 

“Let me finish!” Tony snapped, before giving Bucky an apologetic look. “Sorry. I'm sorry,” he apologised. “I just-” he choked, fumbling with the scotch in his hand with shaky fingers. “I don't know how to explain it,” he continued, closing his eyes to keep tears at bay. 

Both of them sat in silence, one so numbing Tony thought he may as well have been in a lucid dream. He kept his breathing level while staring out at Manhattan, watching the city come alive for the night. Tony waited, and  _ waited _ for Bucky to stand up and leave without another word, but it didn't happen. It was as if Bucky was frozen in his spot, the gears working in his head to try and process what Tony was getting at. The silence was killing Tony's confidence and hope little by little at every minute that ticked by. 

“You have worker hands…” Bucky mused.

“I-what?” Tony laughed, a smile twitching at the corner of his mouth, eyes locked on Bucky’s again.

“You’ve got hands only a solid worker would have, they look rough, covered in cuts and bruises from stupid accidents,” Bucky explained, his metal hand falling on top of Tony’s. “But I bet they’re soft to touch,” he added, wrapping his fingers under Tony’s hand gently. 

Tony remained quiet, watching Bucky pick up his hand and hold it closer to his face, thumb stroking over the raised parts of his skin, fingers tracing the outline of bruises. It was how Tony remembered it, the feeling of the mildly cold metal dancing over the warmth of his hand, and the tenderness of Bucky’s touch. He wondered why he didn’t just speak up and tell Bucky how his feelings changed about him for the past three months. But Tony knew why. He was afraid to love from his own self hate holding him back. Yet with Bucky being around more often, it was like Tony had found the will in him to conquer the fear and rip apart the self hate. Bucky never had to say much, he only had to exist for Tony to have the strength to do what he felt was right. 

“They’re nothing special,” he chided, smiling weakly.

Bucky pressed Tony’s open palm to his cheek, the sensation of his cheekbone rising being felt by Tony, his eyes widening a fraction. The brunette’s eyelids dipped as he moved Tony’s hand down to his mouth, his lips brushing the older man’s palm, then his fingers. Tony’s eyes fell closed, lips parting with a hitched breath following afterwards. His hands always were sensitive to affectionate touches, not that he’d experienced many in a long time. 

“Soft, just like I said,” the younger man mumbled.

“Bucky…” Tony huffed out, opening his eyes slightly.

“You ever gonna’ tell me why you’ve been actin’ different lately?” Bucky tested, raising an eyebrow. 

The kiss he planted on Tony’s knuckles being the last straw. 

“Dammit Barnes,” Tony cursed, with a hiss.

He grabbed Bucky's glass and slid both his and Bucky's across the landing pad, not caring where they landed or if they toppled over. The brunette surged forward, grasping the lapels of Bucky's suit jacket, drawing him in as close as he could. Bucky's eyes were wide with shock, until they fell shut when Tony's lips met his own in a rough, chaste kiss. His hand fell on Tony's hip, pulling him closer until their chests touched, Tony's hands sliding up to cup Bucky's face. He breathed a sigh of relief, lips parting against Bucky's which only gave the younger man the chance to deepen the kiss. Bucky gripped Tony's hip tighter, head tilting at a different angle to entice Tony in for a passionate kiss, both of them working in tandem like they'd done it before. When the pair decided to part, Tony panted heavily, his eyes still closed as he tried to catch his breath and regain his composure. He'd never had a wild kiss like he just did with Bucky. 

“You drive me crazy that's why I've been acting different,” he confessed, running his thumb across Bucky's bottom lip. “Ever since you held my hand through my panic attack I wanted more. But I wanted more of you for other reasons. I didn't want you only for support. I  _ wanted _ you. I-” he paused, stealing another quick kiss which Bucky obliged to. “...I love you,” he admitted. “I know it's sudden, it's only been three months. But I think I've had feelings for you for longer, maybe ever since you showed up here. As ridiculous as it sounds, this feels right to me. I was afraid to tell you but I pushed it away because why can't I take my chances?” he finished, caressing his hands down Bucky's cheeks.

“You love me huh?” Bucky breathed out, voice hoarse from the intense kissing.

“I’m crazy about you,” Tony confirmed, resting his forehead against Bucky's. 

Bucky choked out a laugh, his other hand dropping down to tug on Tony's left hip, nose barely brushing the older man’s.

“We’re idiots. I've been interested in you since I got here. I didn't know how to approach you ‘bout it. M’sorry I never said earlier,” he muttered.

“Shut up...as long as we've said it now,” Tony grumbled. 

The brunette grinned happily, nudging Tony's head up a little to gain access to his lips again.

“Wish I could have done this a long time ago,” Tony grunted, his mouth moving against Bucky's. 

“We got all night. What are you waitin’ for?” the brunette challenged. 

Tony bit back his laughter, watching Bucky bite on his lip before letting it go, a smirk spreading across his face. 

“That does it,” he growled, bringing back in as he threw his arms around the brunette's neck.

Due to their focus only being set on each other, Tony and Bucky didn't hear the door opening, the loud sounds of the party pouring out before going quiet again. Steve was about to jog down the short flight of stairs onto the landing pad, halting immediately once he saw the scene in front of him. Sam wasn't too far behind, letting more noise out of the building, but still Bucky and Tony continued to kiss like their lives depended on it. 

“Steve, you okay?” Sam questioned. 

The blonde gawked while Sam followed his line of sight, eyes bulging in surprise. He whistled low with an excited cheer shortly afterwards, clapping Steve on his shoulder with a hushed chuckle.

“Man, you owe me twenty bucks!” he exclaimed, patting Steve's shoulder before turning away to join the party again. 

Steve shook his head with an exasperated laugh, deciding to leave the pair alone and follow behind Sam. 

“A bet's a bet,” he replied.

_ And with a positive outcome at that... _

**Author's Note:**

> Coming soon...Day Two: Cuddling somewhere
> 
> I'm on Tumblr if you want to come cry or scream about these two nerds with me: [x-crossbones-x](http://x-crossbones-x.tumblr.com/)


End file.
